One Little Step
by einootspork
Summary: Maya Ibuki has a chance to rebuild after Third Impact. But can she really make a difference just one little step at a time?
1. Prologue

The first thing Maya Ibuki could do was hear.

_beep. beep. beep. beep. beep..._

There was a void. It was nothing but darkness and, from some place outside (beyond?) that darkness, beeping.

It was honestly pretty annoying.

_beep. beep. beep. beep. beep..._

She realized it sounded a lot like an alarm.

She subsequently realized it probably _was_ an alarm.

_beep. beep. beep. beep. beep...  
_

Actually, it sounded like it was an alarm _clock_. In fact, it was _her_ alarm clock. She groped for it blindly.

_beep. beep. beep. beep. beep..._

The fact that she was able to do so indicated to her that she also had a sense of touch _(check!)_. Once she was reasonably sure her hand was on the alarm clock, she started feeling for the snooze button.

_beep. beep. beep. beep. beep..._

Come on... snooze... snooze... please... where is iiiiiiit...

"G'ddamm't..."

_WHAM._

Ah. Much better.

She decided she was going to continue sleeping - which is what she realized she had been doing - despite the fact that her mouth tasted _(check!)_ funny. She was really much too tired. She found, however, that it was difficult to go back to sleep because she kept on remembering her dream.

It had been a pretty bad dream. There had been a couple good parts, like a bit with sempai that had been very nice. But the vast majority of the parts had been bad, with guns and fighting and dying.

And then there had been the part where Maya had turned into a puddle of orange liquid. But the weird part was that even though she had been a puddle of orange liquid, she had still been able to think. And everyone else had been a puddle of thinking orange liquid as well. That had been pretty fucked up. She was glad it was a dream.

...

Yes. She was very glad. That it was a dream. And that it didn't happen.

...

It better not have happened. No... it didn't. The fact that she felt her body lying on her own smelly _(check!) _mattress meant it couldn't have happened. It was just a dream. Maybe a very realistic dream, but a dream nonethele-

...

All right. She wasn't fooling anyone. There was no way in _Hell_ that she could have imagined _that._ It had happened, all right. After all, why else would she be making a checklist?

She opened her eyes _(check!)_ and saw the familiar ceiling of her apartment. A dim, natural light shone in through the tiny window.

She was glad (or more accurately, relieved) that Instrumentality had ended. At least, that her personal Instrumentality had ended; she wasn't sure how many more pitiable souls were still orange puddles. She remembered, fuzzily, escaping from it. She didn't remember the details, but the basic shape was there. Of course, the details tended to be the important things, when it came down to it. The devil was in them, or so she had been told.

She wasn't sure the religious reference was all that appropriate, considering. She had fought devilish Angels, not actual devils. (She hoped.)

She turned over to look at her alarm clock.

5:47 AM

...

_Sigh._

_

* * *

_

Maya made instant ramen for breakfast. Usually she actually bothered to make something, but occasionally she came home too tired to do anything but microwave. And after the end of Project E as she knew it, the events of which could kindly be described as a very large muddle, she felt she deserved a moment of laziness. She thought that maybe she even might not clean up after herself this morning...

Nah. That would be a little too wild. Besides, she didn't want to get her apartment dirty.

She slurped her noodles contemplatively as she felt a sense of relief come over her. Instrumentality had been OK, she supposed, but it was comforting to have some sort of normalcy again. True, she didn't quite know how things would be different post-Third Impact, but simply the ability to get up in the morning and have breakfast was... nice. Even if it was just instant stuff.

That said, she was still pretty tired. Maybe she should've stayed in bed for a bit longer. She usually got up around 5:45, but now that she didn't have any more work to do it didn't seem necessary. It was strange, though. She'd never been this tired waking up before. Not that she was a morning person, but she'd gotten used to the time to some extent.

She was jolted out of her reverie by the ringing of her phone. She minced across the kitchen floor (cold! cold! oh, why hadn't she put on socks?) to answer it.

"Hello?"

"We've got a situation," said a very familiar voice.

"A situation, sempai?" A plethora of confusing emotions rained down on her at hearing her sempai's voice again; she shoved them into the back of her mind.

She had to be professional.

"The Third Angel. It's here."

...

_Gotta be professional. Gotta be professional. Gotta be professional. Gotta be profe-_

_**"WHAT?"**_

* * *

**ONE LITTLE STEP:  
a Neon Genesis Evangelion fan fiction  
by einootspork.**

* * *

_"You only live once." - A popular lie._

_(Happy new year! But some new years are not so new.)_


	2. I

**I**

Maya remembered talking some more on the phone with Ritsuko-sempai while desperately wondering what on Earth was going on.

She remembered taking the train to work. Swipe card. Left, right, right, down the elevator, right, right, left.

She was too stunned to say anything to her coworkers or even really register what they said. She spent the morning in a dazed state of autopilot, as though she had been replaced by a dummy plug version of herself. She did everything correctly, but she didn't remember anything.

As the fight against the Third Angel unfolded once more, only snippets registered in Maya's brain.

_"An unidentified intruder is still coming towards us."_

...

_"Every single missile hit the target! Aaaaaaaargh!"_

_..._

_"I understand, sir. We'll execute our backup plan at once."_

_..._

_"That was our last resort!"_

_"No effect at all!"_

_"It's a demon!"_

_..._

_"That is why Nerv exists."_

_"I pray you're right."_

_..._

Maya was greatly unnerved _(ha!)_ by the events. She still wasn't sure what was going on, but she guessed that she had somehow been sent back in time to the beginning of the fight against the Angels. She didn't know _(remember?)_ how or why, but it was the only explanation that didn't assume her own insanity as one of its premises. And she certainly didn't _feel_ insane _(well, not very)_, although she supposed that was the dilemma: Truly insane people can't tell they're insane, so how did she know she wasn't?

Then again, after experiencing Third Impact, she was willing to believe just about anything. At least, anything relating to the metaphysical or the extraterrestrial... or to Nerv and Seele, and by extension to just how screwed up humanity really can be. It was honestly still a shock. It shook her faith in... well, everything, a bit. She didn't really know how to respond – which she supposed was the key thing, actually. She didn't know how to respond to _any_ of what was going on. In fact–

"Maya? Hello?"

Blink.

Maya turned her head to look... and there was her sempai.

Suddenly, what hadn't registered before registered now–

_"I could've suffered any humiliation, endured any torture, but he had already chosen... _God, _I'm a fool! Like mother, like daughter; fools to the end!"_

_..._

_"It's you again. How surprising... Our conversation is being monitored, you know."_

_..._

_"A loving daughter's final request. Mother, let's end it together..."_

_..._

_"Mother, how could you choose your lover over me?"_

_..._

_"...you liar."_

–"Maya? Are you... crying?"

She was. She was surprised to discover this.

"Oh... sorry, sempai... I was just distracted, is all. There's some... stuff going on in my life right now." Technically true. Also kind of an understatement.

"Uh... huh." Dr. Akagi looked suspicious, but didn't pry.

"What were you talking about, anyway?" Maya asked, eager to shift the subject.

Dr. Akagi sighed. "Oh, nothing, I'm just a little exasperated. You'd think Misato and the Third would be here already..."

_Oh. Yeah. I remember that. They showed up pretty late, if I recall correctly._

"Well, uh, I'm sure they'll be here soon."

"Yes, of course," Ritsuko said. "Of course." She bit her lip impatiently.

There was a bit of a pause. Maya knew that Ritusko must be annoyed at Misato. She was pretty much always like that.

"Er... sempai? Do you want me to go?"

"Huh?" Ritsuko blinked, coming out of her impatient sulking. "Go where?"

"To go look for them. Katsuragi, I mean, and the Third."

"What about your work?" The doctor narrowed her eyes.

Maya shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. "It won't be of much use until they show up."

"Well... I suppose so." Ritsuko sighed and turned back to her work. "Go ahead, then," she added, gesturing for Maya to leave.

Maya honestly didn't know where her sudden urge to pick up Shinji and Misato had come from. It just seemed like a way to get her mind off of what had just happened. The first time around, she had always been a bit in awe of her surroundings, amazed at how modern technology had built this place that protected mankind. Maybe she just couldn't summon quite as much reverence any more, but this time it didn't seem to be getting her mind off of anything. She was wandering through the Nerv labyrinth a bit absentmindedly when she literally bumped into the pair she'd been looking for.

"Eek!" Maya lost her balance and fell to the floor, letting out a girly squeak that was slightly embarrassing.

"Hey!" Maya looked up to find herself looking into the eyes of Misato, with a very meek Shinji in tow _(was he really that bad in the beginning?)_. "Watch where you're- oh, it's just you, Miss..."

"Ibuki," Maya responded, still slightly dazed, shaking her head a bit to clear it out. "First Lieutenant Maya Ibuki."

"Oh, yes, right." The once-and-future Major got a bit of a guilty look on her face; Maya had a feeling Katsuragi probably still thought of her just as "Ritsuko's pet" at this point.

"You're Maj-... er, Captain Katsuragi, right?" The one who fell apart after Kaji left? The one who died- _no, don't think about that, don't think about that!_

"Yeah, that's me." Misato smiled without showing any teeth. "What are you doing down here?"

"I was sent by sempa- I mean, by Doctor Akagi to collect you and the Third Child." She smiled a bit at Shinji, but he shied away from her.

"Really?" Katsuragi's smile turned into a bit of a grimace again. "Uh, sorry, I'm still pretty new here, so..."

"Oh, no, it's okay. Follow me."

Maya proceeded to guide the two to their destination. Misato struck up some idle conversation, which Maya only paid perfunctory attention to as she stewed in her thoughts. Third Impact, her sempai, Nerv, Seele, the Angels, and even Misato and Shinji themselves were prodding at her uneasy mind. She didn't know what any of this meant, but it certainly must have boded ill. At the very least, it was ill that she was going to have to go through all of this a second time, since it hadn't exactly been a picnic the first one.

So, all in all, she felt a bit grim as she sat down at the bridge, prepared for a familiar scene to unfold in front of her. And it did.

The poor kid! Shanghaied into what was almost a pyramid scheme. Here, Shinji, pilot this robot so Daddy will love you. If you don't, we'll let this girl you've never met pilot it instead, and she'll go out to what will almost assuredly be her death. There's a good boy. You absolutely _have_ to pilot this robot, only it's not a robot and it's your mom, and absolutely nothing else about you matters, so just sit in the seat and-

"Oh, god..."

"Did you say something?" asked Aoba idly (but quietly).

"Oh, nothing," Maya whispered back.

In truth, she had just felt a huge stab of pity for the Third Child. The first time around she had already felt pretty bad for him... but knowing what she knew now, it was far worse. She felt she ought to stop him from getting in somehow – only she didn't know how she'd even be able to do that, or what the alternative would be.

_There isn't any,_ she realized. _There's no other way to fight the Angels._

This thought didn't exactly cheer her up.

The rest of the day went the same way as it had done the first time, excepting that Shinji's first Angel fight ended a couple hours earlier. Somehow, time slipped away from Maya, and she found herself sitting at the bridge with Aoba and Hyuga, chatting about nothing in particular.

"So, what do you think?" Aoba stirred his coffee with his spoon.

"Of what?" Hyuga asked, stifling a yawn (he had forgotten to bring money for the coffee machine).

"The Third," Aoba responded. "Pass another sugar?"

Hyuga obliged. "You know, I always took you for the type to take your coffee black."

"Are you kidding?" Aoba snorted. "That stuff tastes like crap. Don't put any cream in my coffee, though. That stuff's for wusses."

"I drink my coffee with cream," Maya said, elbow on the desk, clutching her head with her right hand.

"Yeah?" Aoba looked her over a bit. "Well, different strokes. Speaking of coffee, you look like you could use some caffeine right about now."

"Headache?" asked Hyuga, leaning back in his chair.

"Oh? Uh... yeah." Maya nodded. "I feel sorry for him, I guess."

"Who?" Hyuga blinked.

"The Third."

"Oh."

"I can understand why, I guess–" Aoba took a sip of his coffee– "but I dunno. I think he should man up a little. I mean... that's not what I mean, but..."

"There's nothing for it but for him to pilot it?" offered Maya.

"Yeah. Exactly. I mean, what else can he do?"

"But he didn't even know his father very well before he came here," Hyuga rebutted. "I mean, can you imagine just showing up and being asked to pilot that thing? He didn't seem to get along well with his dad."

"Like I said. What else can he do?"

Hyuga looked a bit dubious. "What would you say, Ibuki?"

Maya just shrugged. "I don't really know." She couldn't decide if it was a lie or the truth. It was simpler, at any rate.

"Well," said Aoba, gathering his stuff, "Since there's no way I can even pretend I'm working anymore, I'm gonna leave now."

"Yeah, me too." Hyuga forced himself out of his comfortable position in his chair.

"Well, good night." Maya sat where she was and watched the two walk off into the distance.

When they were gone, she leaned back into her chair like Hyuga and sighed.

_Well, what now?_

She tried to think on that for a while before finally admitting to herself she was just too tired. She packed up and left.

_I'll think about it tomorrow._


	3. II

_"We're sorry."_

There was a pay phone. Shinji was holding it.

_"Due to the state of special emergency, no lines are available. This is a recording."_

"It's no use," he sighed, putting the phone back on the hook. "This is dumb. I shouldn't have come here."

He had been trying to call someone... who was it?

He saw something out of the corner of his-

_Rei?_

Hang on. She didn't feel like Shinji – she was herself, which was Maya. What was Rei doing there, way off in the distance?

"Hello-"

"Good day." Rei was standing right in front of Maya.

"...Pilot Ayanami?" she asked.

"Yes and no," Rei replied. And indeed, it wasn't quite Rei after all. She looked a bit older... or was it younger? Maya couldn't tell. Her eyes seemed to be a different shade of red... No, that wasn't right. They were the same shade as ever, only more so, more saturated. In any case, it was definitely Rei and most assuredly not Rei.

"Uh... who are you then, besides Ayanami?" Maya said. She wished she could have thought of a way to phrase that without sounding stupid.

"I guess you could say I'm... a stay-at-home mom." The strange Rei's hair seemed now to be a deeper blue than it had been before. "Yes, that'll do. Who are you? Are you Shinji?"

"No, I'm Maya Ibuki."

"Are you sure? It looks as though you're him," Rei pointed out.

Maya realized that she was the same height as Rei. And that she looked like Shinji and was wearing Shinji's clothes. "So it does," she noted, "but I'm Maya."

"Very good," said Rei.

They stared at each other for a moment, then Maya asked, "What do you want to tell me?"

For Maya knew that this being resembling Rei, whatever it was, absolutely had something to tell her: some sort of advice or wisdom or word of encouragement.

"Yes," said Rei, who was suddenly brown-haired, brown-eyed, and taller than before – and not even a little bit Rei anymore. "Look after Shinji for me. And don't fuck it up."

And then Rei, or whoever it had been, was gone. Maya, now back in her own body, stood alone on the sidewalk. The road was empty of human life. The world was, too. All she could hear was the buzzing of the cicadas.

She awoke, shooting straight out of her pillow.

**II**

He awoke, slowly opening his eyes. The tiles that he saw were off-white.

"Unfamiliar ceiling..."

He could hear the drone of cicadas from the outside. He smelled ammonia. He looked around and realized he was in a hospital bed - and there was someone sitting on a chair in the corner, reading a book.

She looked up and smiled at him. "Oh, Shinji. You're awake." It was the woman he met in the hallway yesterday. "Do you remember what happened?"

"I..." Shinji began before trailing off.

"I guess not," the woman said. "Do you remember me?"

"Uh..." He did remember seeing her yesterday, but he couldn't recall her name. He sat up. "Sorry."

"Lieutenant Maya Ibuki," she said, "We met in the hallway the other day. It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too, Miss Ibuki."

"Maya is fine. So, how are you feeling?" Her smile changed into one of concern. Or maybe it was pity.

"I'm all right... uh, may I ask why you're here?"

"Oh, I..." she coughed. "I, uh, just wanted to see how you were doing. I heard you had a rough time in the Eva yesterday."

"Oh... um... thank you."

There was a silence.

"Uh..." Maya began, "Would you... would you like me to take you on a tour of the Nerv building?"

"Uh... sure."

* * *

"Would you like some tea?" asked Maya. She was standing by the vending machine, her stature awkwardly straight. She smiled at Shinji.

"Um... okay." Shinji, who sat on a bench, didn't meet Maya's gaze.

Maya grabbed a milk tea for Shinji and a juice for herself. (She'd never been a fan of tea.) "Catch," she said. "What do you think of Nerv headquarters so far?" She had spent a pretty good part of the morning on the impromptu tour.

Shinji caught the milk tea and looked at Maya. He smiled weakly. "It's okay, I guess..." he mumbled. "There are a lot of corridors."

"Well, uh... good..."

Maya sipped her juice. She wasn't really sure what to say around Shinji – his responses were often pretty perfunctory.

"Um, hey. Do you remember anything from last night?"

Shinji shook his head.

"Well…" Maya attempted to think of a reassuring response. "I'm sure it'll come back to you."

_You can't think of anything better than that, Maya? Pathetic!_

Shinji made a sort of gloomy half-smile. "Yeah." He paused for a second, sucking on his milk tea, then added, "Why do they call it that?"

"Hmm? Call what that?"

"NERV. What does it stand for?"

"Oh! It's not actually an acronym. Nerv is German for… well, nerve."

"Why German?"

_[The monoliths vanished, one by one. "The beginning and the end are one and the same… Yes… All is right with the world."]_

"Um… some of the higher-ups are from around there." Maya shrugged. "Actually, one of the pilots is from Germany - you might meet her soon."

"Her?" Shinji's eyes widened slightly.

"Try not to sound so surprised that she's a girl when you meet her," Maya said with a grin. You might just get smacked."

"Noted," said Shinji.

There was an awkward silence at this point. Maya almost said "Um" a couple times. Then, she didn't. Instead, she drank her juice until it was all gone.

"So… uh… do you want to go now?" she finally asked, throwing the can away.

"Go where?" Shinji asked in return. He still had some milk tea left.

"Home," said Maya.

"Where's that?" asked Shinji.

"Um, with Captain Katsuragi?" Maya's tone indicated that she thought it was obvious.

"Huh? I'm supposed to be living with her?" Shinji looked mildly surprised. "Nobody told me that."

"Oh, uh…" _It must not be until later. Crap._ "Well, it's just a rumor. I don't know if it's true. You wouldn't mind, would you?"

"I don't really care," Shinji admitted. "I'd be fine with Katsuragi. I'd be fine living alone, too." He looked down at the floor.

"I see…" Maya bit her lip. _Poor kid… _"Well, I'm sure your father would let you live by yourself if you wanted to, but I think you ought to live with a guardian. After all, someone's got to look after-"

She gasped.

_"Look after Shinji for me…"_

"Hey, uh, are you okay?" Shinji's eyes had widened a bit, and he was frowning.

"Actually, I was just thinking… I have some extra space in my apartment…"

* * *

_The plot thickens… to a somewhat disgusting paste-like consistency. Sorry this one took so long, but I spent way too long trying to figure out a way to get this particular plot point to work, since I knew it'd be way more interesting to have Shinji live with Maya, which would allow me to keep it interesting by changing things up from the very beginning. I originally planned for some roundabout monstrosity involving Misato not wanting to take care of Shinji and somehow keeping that in character for her, but I realized I was complicating it too much for myself and so the simple version here is what you get._


End file.
